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How to write a good RFC

A guide for the modern office dweller on how to write a compelling RFC.

So you want to introduce a change in the codebase, maybe it’s a piece of new tech, or a new paradigm to guide your team through the murky waters of the late capitalist dystopia we all exist in, or perhaps it’s frustration that drives you to deprecate an old piece of tech. Whatever the spoon that stirs the cocoa is, it’s good to get your coworkers input on the subject matter in a form of an RFC (Request For Comments) document.

Below you’ll see a hight quality specimen of a proper RFC. Let’s go through that point by point.

The title

Use clear and concise language to voice your concerns loudly, so that even the PMs can understand. It’s important to remember that the phrase, "Project managers are like mushrooms, both kept in the dark and fed horse shit," won't fly in our progressively modern work environment. Albeit more simpler breed of folks, but don't forger that PMs are still people in their own right, and should be treated as such.

The abstract

This is the tl;dr. By reading this everyone should have a solid grasp of what this document is about. You can concisely voice your opinion here if it wasn't clear in the the title already.

The body

This is the fun part, this is where you can shine! Use poetically beautiful and emotional language to drill in the true meaning of your change.

Use cold data to slap people right into the face

Don’t just speculate but "ask science" as they say, by mining cold, hard, unbiased big-data to illustrate the importance of your request.

You have the right to be emotional

Being enclosed day-after-day for decades on end in a hermetically sealed office environment where all traces of your individuality are ironed out, can induce a lethargic, depression-like state in your coworkers, so it’s of utmost importance that you drop in some emotional buzzwords to animate the hollow meat vessels.

ℹ️ If you’re short of business superlatives and startup hyperbole, just log in to your LinkedIn profile for some inspiration.

Strong slogan

Conjure up an eloquent tagline that cuts through the dim like the siren of the biannual fire drill cuts through your precious flow state during a mundane work day.

Don’t underestimate this step, it’s highly recommended that you manufacture some stickers, sew-on-batches, T-Shirts, thermos cups, condoms, and little stone buddhas bearing the given slogan. You can then distribute these trinkets around the office and mail them to the company investors.

Coalition

Form a coalition and start recruiting people to give your change some needed validity. If you exists in the autistic spectrum, like most developers do, and hence lack the needed social interaction skills to even form a lunch group, below is a list of items to get you started:

• Make a catchy acronym for your coalition.
• Recruit people by standing next to their desks while they’re trying to work.
• Use the upper mentioned tokens to bribe people.
• Start creating segregation between the coalitioners and the peasants.

Takeaways

With these handy tips I’m sure you’ll be reaping the lush crop of your sow sooner than later.